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And of course, there's the nonsense we need to keep us smiling.  If you have a friend who is down and needs a bit of a pick me up, a poem may be just the thing they need. What about giving some gibberish on their birthday?

advice to the queen on her birthday

(for Radio Nottingham)

be careful of the belly aches you get when you're the queen
don't stuff too much - when you've had enough
you know it looks obscene

and keep the crumbs between the thumbs
don't drop them on the floor
and where's my slice?
(it would've been nice to see an invite through my door)

and you never write
in spite of all the taxes that i pay
and i'm rather peeved
i've never received your card on my birthday

so stuff the cake - get belly ache
i hope your guests get wind
me and my girl and the rest of the world
will eat our strawberries (tinned)

knickers to st (k)nicker-less

have a knicker christmas - it's knickers in the green

greenest of the knickers - o yes - knickers should be seen

underpants for underparts - the gusset's strong enough

knickers bright and colourful - knickers made with love

knickers then to christmas - see the curves and smile

gardening in your boxers (then stopping for a while)

and don't forget to slip them on and show them to your friends 

you'll love them cycling up the hills and going round the bend

underpants for underparts - the gusset's strong enough

knickers bright and colourful - knickers made with love

man flu

o that man flu - that dreaded scourge
it knocks men back
destroys the urge to live
o that man flu
it gives the eeby geebies
and it's worse than having fleas-ies
it gives yourself the sneezes
that float away on breezes
gives everyone the wheezes
o that man flu
that plays the fateful dirge!

primal scream day - for sharon

between the silences – here comes the brewing up

the bottling in of stress – can’t do no good

open out your mouth and pour it like a cup

of screaming – screaming - screaming – through the wood

and out the other side – let it burst girl – don’t squeeze it in

don’t be bunged up with anxiety – raise the roof

rock the boat – shout the ceiling down – then grin

from ear to someone else’s ear – make it grue…

some – demand the clouds pour down with bitter cloud

just like what’s inside – here comes the brewing up again

and screeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaam until the loudness

bleeds the questions out and answers them with pain

go screaming girl - screaming screaming through the wood

the bottling in of stress – can’t do no good

enough christmas

snow beats its feet upon december’s head

what santa drinks – i wish we knew the stuff

frost nips our toes – and turns them rudolph red

the shops are dowsed in green – enough’s enough

we’re skidding on the ice – our knees are bruised

our hands are frozen digits in our gloves

the season has us up for fools and used

the shops are dowsed in green – enough’s enough

and o for quiet – we sneak away our time

we’ve hid the biscuits on the shelf above

another bite of chocolate – or wine? (hic)

o - the shops are dowsed in green – enough’s enough

whatever are your plans – december late

when shops are dowsed in green – e s c a p e (escape)

here's to the moose’s beard (for J from M on 'beard day')

here’s to the ginger – here’s to the grey

here’s to the pasta (at the end of the day)

here’s to the beard – that’s dry with the jokes 

here’s to your music – and the smiles it stokes

here’s to the moose and here’s to the goose

the mccoy that is real – with words so obtuse

here’s to the favourites – like cheese and red wine

here’s to the raspberry (thrrrp) – o memories of mine!

here’s to the blue grey – the visions i see

you’re my mediteranean – my clearly deep sea

here's to december and here’s to us two

happy beard(th)day – dear jeremy –

(here come the mushy bit) i love you